What to do when when a wife forges ahead…Reply to comments part 1

This post is a response to the following comments

Hey, how about the disciplinary action part?
If he felt you were harsh on him, and said that at home, how would you handle that?

I am not too sure, what you exactly mean by ‘disciplinary action”. Is it asking the employee to be at work on time, to spend less time checking his phone /internet while at work, reduce the time spent on idle chatting during working hours, to be polite to customers and co-workers.  Or is it censuring against stealing from the company, harassing / threatening the safety  co-workers, chronic negligence in performing the duties that one is hired and paid for.

If its the former, then I have already answered your question in my previous post, the wife needs to do this and do it impartially and fairly and without guilt and with confidence. She needs to enforce her authority at work and the husband needs to respect that. If the husband feels that the wife was harsh with him, he should approach her either formally at work, like he would any other boss or even casually at home if he feels comfortable doing it this way ( this is just because he ends up spending a lot more time with the boss outside of work).

Also, it is the duty of any good boss or manager to get the point across without insulting, demeaning or personally attacking the employee..

On the other hand, if the employee/ husband is in trouble for threatening or harming  the health and safety of the company, its employees or clients then this wife has a much bigger problem than just having to take disciplinary action against her man. This is if her husband is actually guilty of the said infractions.  She needs to take a long hard look at the relationship first in this case. As a woman myself I would not recommend staying with someone like that without getting help both for the person  who made the mistake and finding ways to make your relationship work after that.

If you knew the tonight that you’d be taking a disciplinary action tomorrow, (and let’s spice it up here, he is in a romantic mood tonight), would you let him know or hint?

Again, if you had to fire your husband for repeatedly trying to warm the buns of his coworkers with his hands, for stealing from the company or even threatening the safety of employees, having a romantic time would be the last thing  at least on my mind.  That being said the minor day to day happenings should not matter at all, once both parties understand their roles, rules and boundaries.  Also,  when at home its nice to remove the boss, worker badges and just be a loving couple.

If there was a meeting about his performance with other managers and he is anxious to know what went on, and asks….. how would you react, especially if his performance is not very good?

This has also been answered. He should not ask, she should not volunteer any information that needs to be kept confidential for the time being. The key is to learn the difference between keeping things on the job in confidence and keeping secrets from your spouse. These are two different things.

And you have to promote a person – your husband and another person are the candidates – both equally qualified in every aspect and performing equally – equally deserving of promotion, but you can promote only one – who would you promote?

Many times promotion is not making one person in charge of another, but rather giving them an increase in responsibility or money or even a better title. Two people can be promoted at the same time. Promotions are not done by one person, usually there is multiple levels of OK’s needed to promote someone. Also, no two persons are exactly, equal in every aspect so an ideal situation would be to see which person’s strengths benefit the company and promote that person. This would be the right thing to do.

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  1. Ananya

     /  January 30, 2012

    “Again, if you had to fire your husband for ________, having a romantic time would be the last thing at least on my mind”

    Now, you claimed you would keep work and life separate.

    Now you say this. You are letting the work spill here! Aren’t you?

    You were the one who’d want the boss badge and worker badge removed at home.

    • Ananya, I never said that we need to keep work and life separate. While it may be a possibility for some people and professions, many times there is an overlap. What I meant was when a husband and wife are also co-workers, to sometimes forget that fact while at home and just be a married couple.

  2. Malavika

     /  February 29, 2012

    A priority needs to be set – even before marrying – is her career more important to her than her husband’s feelings – then such issues will not come up.
    I personally, will not take it up.

    Exact same thing happened in my life. We work in Banking sector and I was promoted to be his manager. I asked him if he was ok. he said he was not. I declined the offer.

    I have a great husband but he was uncomfortable. We did talk about it and I would value him more for than my job. His feelings and emotions are more important to me. It’s not as if he is a bad man just because he cannot accept his wife being his superior. It’s part of his human nature, the person he is. He is an otherwise wonderful person….. everyone has a weak point. I do not want to hit that weak point, just for the sake of it. He has adjusted for me in many ways, going out of the way. So why should I not respect his wish here?

    Why should all men be comfortable with it? And why should every marriage be considered toxic if in a situation like this a husband reveals his weakness?

  3. Hey, DG….. I can see you can read Tamil.
    You may be interested in reading my blog http://www.bhuvaneshwar.com


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